“You’re a Pretty Girl”
‘Pretty’ is a word I am very hesitant to use to describe myself. To many, that might sound like a compliment. It isn’t. Those three words negate everything else I am. It’s like my face and my body are all that matters. Part of it is because women are expected to be self-deprecating and the other is because I had bouts of cystic acne until my late 20s. So I never thought of myself as pretty. I made my way by being the funny one. Or I was known as the skinny one or the one with the big hair, but rarely the ‘pretty’ one.
Being considered unattractive in my youth forced me to develop a personality. Not relying on my looks gave me time to develop character. I can say without hesitation that I am down to earth and funny; I am straightforward, I have empathy, and I am confident enough to be an advocate for myself. I am so much more than ‘pretty.’
Secondly, ‘pretty’ is perceived a certain way. Due to that perception, I was encountering men who expected me to be both easy and stupid. This doesn’t land me in the pool of men with which I’d wish to swim. This acquaintance refused to believe me. I left the conversation saying, “You have no idea the issues that pretty brings.”
Because of this perceived prettiness, I have been conditioned to be fearful of going out alone. It starts off innocently enough with a family member or friend asking where I am going, then…